as most of friends know, it's been already a few months since i've been contemplating on a certain calling...a religious vocation with the de la salle brothers and finally, yesterday was the day we (the brothers,postulants, co-aspirants and myself) made it official. i am now an aspirant for the de la salle brothers at the LFC community of LSGH. (ang haba no?) it was the culmination of my week-long "live-in" program with the community which i am seeking to partake life with in search for genuine abundance and purpose in GOD's presence.
in the days i've spent with the community, there were 3 relevant questions i managed to answer, and mind you, as simple as these may seem at first glance, they actually aren't.
1. what is prayer and how do i pray?
2. who are the brothers of st.la salle?
3. what will happen after i sign-in?
i was kinda lucky since there were people who were more than willing to process out the answers to my own questions... the situation before was somewhat like this; i knew the answers, but really never understood the questions.
me and my prayer life
the session i had with br.inigo on this, actually gave me more reason to "want" the vocation. the main thing i picked up from our "chat" was that prayer is actually a relationship with God. my idea before was this; it's my way of talking TO GOD. as a relationship, i am supposedly be talking and listening WITH Him. there's a big difference. i learned that its a 2-way thing.
on this note, he taught me a form of prayer. it was a meditative prayer wherein i take myself into "nothingness"(literally, clearing your thoughts off from everything and for once, allowing YOU to control your MIND instead of the other way around) and into this "nothingness", i would just "feel" GOD. not saying any word, not minding anything, not picturing any image of some sort and clearing myself of every thought that comes by. i should just "FEEL" Him.
admittedly, this prayer was hard for a beginner like myself, moreover since i'm the kind of person who constantly thinks about ALOT of things. nonetheless, i still tried. was i successful? a bit. i knew there was a glimmer of hope.
normal and abnormal
ever since i was in kinder at lsgh, i've been used to seeing these "white men in white dresses"(totoo 'to, white dresses tlga ung naiisip ko before) walking around the halls of our school. whether we were playing in the field, eating at the canteen, or even doing homework at the library etc etc you can catch a glimpse of them, what was so interesting was that us (the younger ones) would always flock-up to them, grab their hand and ask for a blessing. "are they priests?..." and 11 years later, here i am eating, praying, "living" together with "the white men in white dresses".
the stereotypical connotation of what a brother is different from who they really are...in a good way. living in communion with them made me saw the other "side" of the brothers. they live a simple life of prayer, service and community. each of them has their own stories to tell and as i get to know more and more of these stories, they inspire me to actually take on the challenge of making my own.
they cook, they commute, they wash the dishes, they do gardening and a lot more! (i am not advertising) these were the instances that i never really got the chance to see the brothers (and postulants) do, though not until my live-in. but what really struck me is that though it seems that they live a normal life (as i have established), each of their faith and love for god, for each other and for others is abnormal. it's prolific and even contagious at times.
what i have seen was maybe just a third of who the brothers really are. i have yet to really understand how the brothers managed to live the life they have now amidst the stresses and struggles they face.
the day after
my last day was most special for me. it was my contract signing to join the aspirancy. the contract said "i promise to seriously discern god's call for me........most holy trinity, give me the wisdom, generosity and courage..."
in the days i've spent with the community, there were 3 relevant questions i managed to answer, and mind you, as simple as these may seem at first glance, they actually aren't.
1. what is prayer and how do i pray?
2. who are the brothers of st.la salle?
3. what will happen after i sign-in?
i was kinda lucky since there were people who were more than willing to process out the answers to my own questions... the situation before was somewhat like this; i knew the answers, but really never understood the questions.
me and my prayer life
the session i had with br.inigo on this, actually gave me more reason to "want" the vocation. the main thing i picked up from our "chat" was that prayer is actually a relationship with God. my idea before was this; it's my way of talking TO GOD. as a relationship, i am supposedly be talking and listening WITH Him. there's a big difference. i learned that its a 2-way thing.
on this note, he taught me a form of prayer. it was a meditative prayer wherein i take myself into "nothingness"(literally, clearing your thoughts off from everything and for once, allowing YOU to control your MIND instead of the other way around) and into this "nothingness", i would just "feel" GOD. not saying any word, not minding anything, not picturing any image of some sort and clearing myself of every thought that comes by. i should just "FEEL" Him.
admittedly, this prayer was hard for a beginner like myself, moreover since i'm the kind of person who constantly thinks about ALOT of things. nonetheless, i still tried. was i successful? a bit. i knew there was a glimmer of hope.
normal and abnormal
ever since i was in kinder at lsgh, i've been used to seeing these "white men in white dresses"(totoo 'to, white dresses tlga ung naiisip ko before) walking around the halls of our school. whether we were playing in the field, eating at the canteen, or even doing homework at the library etc etc you can catch a glimpse of them, what was so interesting was that us (the younger ones) would always flock-up to them, grab their hand and ask for a blessing. "are they priests?..." and 11 years later, here i am eating, praying, "living" together with "the white men in white dresses".
the stereotypical connotation of what a brother is different from who they really are...in a good way. living in communion with them made me saw the other "side" of the brothers. they live a simple life of prayer, service and community. each of them has their own stories to tell and as i get to know more and more of these stories, they inspire me to actually take on the challenge of making my own.
they cook, they commute, they wash the dishes, they do gardening and a lot more! (i am not advertising) these were the instances that i never really got the chance to see the brothers (and postulants) do, though not until my live-in. but what really struck me is that though it seems that they live a normal life (as i have established), each of their faith and love for god, for each other and for others is abnormal. it's prolific and even contagious at times.
what i have seen was maybe just a third of who the brothers really are. i have yet to really understand how the brothers managed to live the life they have now amidst the stresses and struggles they face.
the day after
my last day was most special for me. it was my contract signing to join the aspirancy. the contract said "i promise to seriously discern god's call for me........most holy trinity, give me the wisdom, generosity and courage..."
before i inked my name on the paper, i unconsciously prayed to God. i wanted to "feel" Him at least just before i signed. and somehow i think i was able to. the brothers, postulants and co-aspirants were there to share that moment with me. they even joked, that i was "...sweating a lot and maybe, kinakabahan ako..." tama sila. the feeling was surreal, but as my would be brother-mentor gave me my cross, i told myself "sa wakas... nakasign-in ka na..." it was a relief.
taking this first "step" is a response i wanted to make. all of us are called to God's presence and it just happens that this is the way i wanted to respond to it. whether i'd go on and move forward with this vocation and eventually be a brother...i really don't know---no one does. what i do know however is this:
it's official: "...i am to respond to his call so that i may be able to procure His glory as far as i am able and as he will require of me..."
